Historic Unveiling: Obama Presidential Center Reveals Itself to Be, In Fact, A Building

After years of meticulous planning, frenzied fundraising, and what sources close to the project describe as "an unprecedented number of meetings about artisanal brick-laying," the Barack Obama Presidential Center has officially opened its doors for the express purpose of… being a building. Dignitaries, elected officials, and a surprisingly large contingent of people who just wanted to see if the catering was up to snuff, gathered to witness a moment of architectural triumph and, more importantly, to hear two profoundly articulate individuals talk about it. Michelle Obama reportedly delivered a speech so inspiring it made several lobbyists briefly reconsider their entire careers, while Barack himself masterfully navigated the difficult terrain of talking about a building without making it sound like, well, just another building. Experts predict that the Center, situated on Chicago's South Side, will continue its groundbreaking work of physically existing for many years to come. Future historians will undoubtedly marvel at its sheer brick-and-mortar presence, its HVAC system, and its meticulously curated exhibition on the subtle art of selecting appropriate fabric for official portrait backdrops. The opening ceremony concluded with a synchronized sigh of relief from project managers, who reportedly immediately retreated to a dark, quiet room to recover from the sheer volume of inspirational rhetoric.