Historic Preservationists Horrified: Trump's Arch Risks Obscuring Important 'Trump Was Here' Graffiti

A preliminary analysis by the National Park Service has reportedly concluded that former President Trump’s proposed 250-foot-tall triumphal arch, a monument to… well, *something*, could, regrettably, "detract" from dozens of historical sites across Washington D.C. and Arlington, Virginia. While the exact definition of "detract" remains a closely guarded bureaucratic secret, sources close to the Park Service suggest it involves a sudden, inexplicable urge to stare intently at the giant gold arch instead of, say, pondering the poignant sacrifice evident in the hallowed grounds of Arlington Cemetery. Critics argue that obstructing the view of the Washington Monument or the Lincoln Memorial with a colossal, golden 'T' shaped arch is merely the logical next step in our nation's ongoing commitment to visual stimulation over historical reflection. The project, proponents insist, is designed to enhance the D.C. skyline, much like a strategically placed disco ball enhances a somber funeral parlor. Furthermore, the arch would provide a much-needed focal point, allowing tourists to finally experience the joy of seeing all of Washington's most iconic landmarks from the precise angle Mr. Trump prefers.