Historic Precedent Set: Nation Achieves Full-Scale Xenophobia Without Legislative Branch Input

Washington D.C. sources, or at least a highly placed intern who saw a tweet, indicate that America’s grand tradition of reacting to societal anxieties by slamming the door on immigrants is experiencing a delightful 21st-century update. While previous generations required the cumbersome, often performative theatrics of congressional debate – complete with endless filibusters, committee hearings, and the occasional impassioned speech quoting Emma Lazarus – current approaches have streamlined the entire process. Experts, primarily from think tanks funded by 'don't ask' money, suggest this new unilateralism is a testament to executive efficiency, allowing the nation to pivot from 'land of opportunity' to 'gated community with extra steps' at the speed of a presidential memorandum. Historians are reportedly aghast, not at the policy itself, which they find depressingly familiar, but at the sheer lack of parliamentary drama now involved. One can practically hear the collective sigh of relief from lobbyists who no longer have to wine and dine 535 separate individuals to achieve their desired level of border-related 'security through absurdity.'