Historic Park to Be Declared 'Restricted Airspace' for Emotions

In a move lauded by those who believe the public sphere is best enjoyed exclusively from within televised motorcades, the Trump administration has officially proposed transforming Lafayette Square Park into a high-security 'vibe-proof' enclosure. Sources close to the deliberations at the Commission of Fine Arts indicate that the aesthetic goal is 'early Cold War Berlin chic, but with more reflective surfaces.' Experts suggest this bold architectural decision will revolutionize urban planning by creating the first true 'emotion-free' zone, where the only permitted public displays will be carefully curated official pronouncements and the occasional bewildered squirrel. Concerns that the fencing might obstruct views of iconic national monuments were quickly dismissed by an unnamed official, who clarified, 'The beauty of our monuments is best appreciated when not obscured by, shall we say, 'unregulated human expression.' Visitors will instead enjoy a meticulously maintained steel vista, an unparalleled visual testament to administrative efficiency. Imagine the Instagram possibilities – a selfie with the fence as a poignant metaphor for, well, you know.' Future plans reportedly include sound-dampening technology to ensure maximum peace and quiet for official contemplation, ensuring no stray thought (or protest chant) dares disturb the delicate executive ecosystem.