Historic Congressional Hearing Postponed as Committee Runs Out of Things to Plead the Fifth About

In a truly unprecedented display of legislative efficiency, a recent high-profile congressional hearing found itself in a rather peculiar predicament: the well of potential self-incrimination ran dry. Dr. Anthony Fauci's recent invocation of the Fifth Amendment, a move as predictable as a summer intern's coffee run, has apparently triggered a constitutional cascade, leading to a sudden, nationwide shortage of pertinent information to withhold. Experts are now debating whether this depletion signifies a new era of transparency, or merely an unforeseen bottleneck in the supply chain of incriminating evidence. Sources close to the Capitol suggest that committee members, initially thrilled by the prospect of another round of dramatic 'I refuse to answer on the grounds...' declarations, became visibly deflated as witnesses began, bafflingly, to *answer* questions. One senior aide, requesting anonymity lest their job security be 'Fifth-ed,' noted, "It's like everyone suddenly remembered they had nothing to hide, or, worse, decided it was more fun to actually participate. The theatrics are just gone!" The committee is reportedly now considering a bipartisan bill to mandate a minimum number of self-incriminatory statements per hearing, ensuring future proceedings maintain their cherished tradition of performative silence. Public interest groups, meanwhile, have launched a 'Find the Fifth' campaign, encouraging citizens to unearth any tidbit, however small, that could restore the legislative body's dramatic flair.