Historic Breakthrough: World Powers Agree to Disagree More Respectfully

In a display of diplomatic virtuosity that can only be described as 'mildly less hostile than initially anticipated,' the international community, led by the U.S. and Iran, has entered a new phase of intense, prolonged, and ultimately inconclusive deliberation. Sources close to the negotiations, who asked to remain anonymous lest they be implicated in anything resembling progress, confirmed that both sides successfully navigated the treacherous shoals of agreeing to keep talking about the possibility of perhaps, someday, agreeing to talk about a potential agreement. Analysts are hailing this as a 'major step towards continued stagnation,' noting that the very act of not immediately declaring an impasse is, in itself, a kind of success in the Byzantine world of geopolitical chess. The Strait of Hormuz, meanwhile, continues its tireless work of being a strait of water, patiently awaiting any instructions on whether to continue facilitating global trade or simply become a very expensive, very salty, very strategic Pictionary clue. Europe, ever the optimistic parent, is watching with bated breath, secretly hoping the kids don't burn the house down before dinner.