Herat's Social Fabric 'Tidied Up': Locals Appreciate New 'Efficiency'

Citizens of Herat are reportedly experiencing a profound sense of 'streamlined living' as their city, once embarrassingly vibrant, undergoes a comprehensive social recalibration. Previously afflicted by such decadent luxuries as women attending universities and the free exchange of musical traditions, Herat is now basking in the warm glow of enforced uniformity, a condition experts are calling 'post-cosmopolitan calm.' Indeed, sources close to the leadership — primarily the echoes in their own heads — confirm that the eradication of 'loose social norms' was a top priority, second only to ensuring everyone's socks were perfectly matched. One former proprietor of a delightfully bustling café, now specializing in hushed contemplation, remarked, 'It’s much quieter now. My customers appreciate that the only thing brewing is the existential dread.' The local economy, once burdened by 'choice' and 'innovation,' has been elegantly simplified to 'subsistence' and 'what we tell you to grow.' The only thing expanding, it seems, is the collective longing for the 'before times,' cleverly repackaged as 'nostalgic performance art.'