Gulf Producers Propose Oil Pipeline Constructed Entirely From Unread Self-Help Books

In a move that’s been lauded by precisely no one, Middle Eastern oil producers are reportedly considering a bold new strategy to circumvent ongoing logistical quandaries: building infrastructure out of the collective neuroses of the global elite. Sources close to the deliberations indicate that a 'Deep Uncertainty Logistics Task Force' has been quietly convened, their primary directive being the design of an entirely new crude oil transportation network, resilient to both territorial disputes and the existential dread of supply chain analysts. The leading contender for materials? A proposed network of pipes fashioned from millions of discarded 'positive affirmation' journals and 'manifesting abundance' workbooks, theoretically imbued with enough wishful thinking to repel any conventional munition or, more critically, pesky shipping insurance premiums. Executives are said to be particularly enthused by the 'Self-Sustaining Delusion' model, which posits that the sheer weight of unfulfilled dreams within the piping system will create an almost gravitational pull, efficiently moving oil from wellhead to tanker with minimal human intervention. Skeptics, however, warn of potential 'Karma-dredge' backflows, wherein accumulated negative energy from unrealistic expectations could solidify crude into a non-flammable, highly judgmental goo. The project, if approved, is expected to cost approximately 17 bajillion dollars and three therapists.