Global Economy Miraculously Sustained by China's Generosity in Shipping More Stuff

In a stunning display of economic selflessness, China has reportedly ramped up its export machine to such dizzying heights that economists are now theorizing the entire global supply chain exists solely to provide Beijing with things to ship back to us. Last month's export figures, which surged with the vigor of a thousand newly caffeinated factory workers, are setting the nation on track for a trade surplus so gargantuan it may soon be visible from space, possibly even eclipsing the Great Wall in sheer, quantifiable economic might. Analysts, who were previously convinced global markets were on the brink of an 'interesting' period, are now scrambling to re-calibrate their models to account for China's unexpected commitment to keeping everyone else in business. 'It's almost as if they're trying to prove a point,' mused one bewildered trade specialist, adjusting his spectacles. 'Like, 'Oh, you wanted less trade? Here's *more*. Good luck consuming all this.' Critics, meanwhile, are questioning the sustainability of an economic model where one country produces everything, and the rest of the world merely provides a polite, but increasingly bulging, receiving end.