Germany's Avant-Garde Galleries Brace for Mandatory Landscape Paintings of Bratwurst

A collective shudder rippled through Germany's esteemed cultural institutions this week, as the looming specter of a newly ascendant 'Alternative' government threatens to impose an entirely new definition of 'art.' Sources close to various publicly funded galleries, currently displaying everything from performance art involving fermented cabbage to installations crafted from deconstructed Trabants, confirm that preparations are underway for a 'pre-emptive aesthetic pivot.' One curator, speaking anonymously from behind a towering stack of 'degenerate art' exhibition catalogues, confessed, 'We're retraining our staff to distinguish between 'authentic German folk motifs' and 'anything that makes people actually *think*.' Critics fear the move will replace challenging contemporary works with earnest, yet ultimately uninspired, depictions of rolling hills, sturdy yeomen, and possibly, a tastefully rendered schnitzel. The party, known for its commitment to 'traditional values,' has clarified that 'traditional' specifically means 'anything that doesn't upset Oma at Christmas,' effectively reclassifying all post-1950 artistic expression as a potential national security threat. Experts predict a surge in demand for paint-by-numbers kits and a dramatic increase in public complaints about 'too many colors.'