Germany, Citing 'Tradition,' Votes to Replace Democracy with 'Vibes-Based Leadership'

Citizens of eastern Germany, ever the trendsetters in, well, trends, are once again heading to the polls this Sunday, ostensibly to decide their future. However, sources close to the ballot boxes—who wish to remain anonymous for fear of being elected—suggest the true purpose is to ascertain if the nation has finally achieved peak 'Alternative.' Political scientists are keenly observing whether the AfD's continued surge indicates a bold new frontier in governance, where complex policy is supplanted by a robust 'feeling' about things, or if it's merely another phase in the continent's recurring cycle of 'let's just see what happens if we try this *one* more time.' Analysts, meanwhile, are already debating the precise shade of beige that will best represent the new national mood. Voters, many of whom were reportedly 'just popping out for milk anyway,' seemed largely unfazed, expressing a preference for 'any system that promises to make the trains run on time, or at least provides a more direct path to the nearest lederhosen outlet.'