France's Youth Protests: Apparently, 53 Is The New 'Youth'

In a development that has both bewildered gerontologists and invigorated the market for anti-aging creams, Bally Bagayoko, the 53-year-old mayor of a Parisian banlieue, has inexplicably emerged as the preferred 'face' of France's notoriously fickle student protest movement. One wonders if the nation's youth, exhausted from perfecting their TikTok dances, simply delegated the arduous task of 'being visible' to someone with more stamina and, presumably, a less complicated mortgage. Observers note Bagayoko’s regular appearances, which, depending on one's political persuasion, are either lauded as 'a refreshing commitment to generational solidarity' or condemned as 'a desperate bid for relevance by a man whose childhood memories include the invention of disco.' Critics suggest that perhaps the students mistook his distinguished, salt-and-pepper hair for a performance art piece about the existential angst of the late-stage capitalist, rather than, you know, just being a guy over fifty. The French government, meanwhile, is reportedly considering legislation to officially redefine 'youth' as anyone under the age of 55, thereby neatly resolving several demographic crises in one fell swoop.