Fox News Discovers 'Consequences' Are a Thing; Bartiromo First to Test Theory

In a stunning revelation that has rattled the very foundations of cable news, sources within Fox Corporation report the company has finally stumbled upon an obscure legal principle known colloquially as 'defamation.' This groundbreaking discovery, made possible by a $787.5 million learning experience, led directly to the sudden un-scheduling of veteran anchor Maria Bartiromo, who, according to internal memos, was 'reassigned' to a state of not being on television. Ms. Bartiromo, often hailed as a pioneer in the field of televised credulity, was among the last remaining on-air personalities whose broadcasts directly contributed to the network's historic decision to, quote, 'settle the ever-loving pants off' Dominion Voting Systems. While executives maintain the move was merely 'part of a routine talent rotation and general sanitization initiative,' analysts suggest it might also be a cunning new strategy to avoid bleeding a billion dollars a pop. Insiders note that future network policies may include requiring on-air talent to at least *pretend* to verify claims, though this remains, for now, an unconfirmed rumor.