FBI 'Scores' High on Rigged Election Denial Bingo Card

In a move that surprised absolutely no one still clinging to the tattered remnants of their sanity, the Federal Bureau of Investigation has reportedly dispatched a veritable legion of analysts to Fulton County, Georgia. Their mandate? To meticulously cross-reference every last ballot, Post-it note, and discarded coffee cup from the 2020 election, ostensibly to humor a certain former resident of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue. Sources close to the exhaustive — and frankly, rather expensive — undertaking report that agents are focusing keenly on anomalies like 'ballots exhibiting an unnatural affinity for Democrats' and 'votes cast by individuals who clearly do not possess the appropriate level of electoral enthusiasm.' Critics, often dismissed as 'reality fundamentalists,' suggest this lavish expenditure of taxpayer dollars and federal manpower could be better utilized, perhaps, in investigating actual crimes. However, a senior, extremely tired-looking FBI official, speaking on condition of anonymity and a triple espresso, clarified, “Look, it’s cheaper than a national therapy session, and it keeps *him* occupied. Besides, we’re hoping to find evidence of Bigfoot working as an election clerk, which would honestly be less shocking to some people.” The analysts are said to be equipped with state-of-the-art magnifying glasses and are currently attempting to decipher a particularly smudged voter registration form discovered beneath a discarded peach pit.