'Everyone A Stakeholder' in AI, Says Man Whose Company Owns AI, Prompting Global Eyebrow Arch

In a display of rhetorical acrobatics that would make a Cirque du Soleil performer blush, Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella recently posited that 'Everyone is a stakeholder' in artificial intelligence. This groundbreaking assertion was made at The New York Times’ Hard Fork Live event, a veritable intellectual Thunderdome where the future is either prophesied or politely cannibalized over artisanal cheeses. Mr. Nadella’s pronouncement, delivered with the serene confidence of a man whose stock options have achieved sentience, reportedly came hot on the heels of musings from a particularly orange former President about Americans 'sharing in the wealth' of AI companies. One imagines a collective, global head tilt, like a million confused dogs hearing their owners say 'who’s a good algorithm?' It’s truly heartwarming to know that as algorithms decide everything from our credit scores to our dating prospects, we, the unwashed masses, have a 'stake' – presumably somewhere between a footnote in the Terms & Conditions and the right to complain bitterly on a platform owned by said AI. This visionary insight surely assuages any anxieties about impending robot overlords, as long as the overlords remember we're all technically *in this together*.