Europop Stars Serenade Dear Leader: Trump Finally Forgives 'Globalist' Ex-Wives

In a display of geopolitical improv – or perhaps Stockholm Syndrome – European leaders, fresh off their divorce papers, have apparently patched things up with their famously erratic ex-spouse, Donald Trump. Sources close to the G7 gathering in France revealed Tuesday that a 'peace framework' with Iran (reportedly secured via a lengthy Instagram DM exchange after Trump 'forgot' their phone number) and vague 'hope for cooperation' with Ukraine (which sounds suspiciously like a LinkedIn endorsement request) were the magic words that mollified the Orange Overlord. Observers noted the distinct lack of flying teacups or hurled accusations of 'nasty women' during the interactions, a stark departure from previous familial kerfuffles. One diplomat, speaking anonymously from behind a very large fern, confessed, 'It’s like we finally learned to speak fluent Fox News. Who knew 'greatest ever' and 'tremendous' were the keys to international harmony?' Critics suggest this delicate détente is less 'forgiveness' and more 'extinction-level event avoidance,' a sentiment widely shared by anyone who remembers a certain golf course tantrum.