Elon Musk Announces Plans to Consolidate All Human Endeavor into Single, Terrifyingly Efficient Megacorp

It seems the universe simply isn't complex enough for Elon Musk. Sources close to the perpetually-tweeting titan suggest his next logical step in the grand tapestry of 'making things happen, but faster' is to merge his space-faring behemoth, SpaceX, with his terrestrial electric vehicle empire, Tesla. The purported synergy, one insider whispered, involves 'using the same microchips to guide both self-driving cars and orbital rockets, thus streamlining existential angst.' Shareholder objections are reportedly being filed directly into a secure server located 'somewhere on Mars,' where their complaints can theoretically be debated by an evolving Martian civilization in approximately 10,000 years. Legal experts, meanwhile, have simply shrugged, advising disgruntled investors to 'perhaps invest in a small, privately-owned plot of land, preferably one without Wi-Fi.' The move is expected to simplify everything from intergalactic commutes to your bi-weekly grocery run, provided your grocery run involves a lunar lander and a mandatory subscription to 'MuskPrime Ultra.'