DOJ Opens Inquiry Into Corey Lewandowski After Rare Glitch Flags Ally For Accountability

Department of Justice officials frantically dispatched IT technicians early Tuesday morning after a legacy server failed, inadvertently permitting federal investigators to glance in the general direction of longtime presidential loyalist Corey Lewandowski. The inquiry, which marks a historically unprecedented lapse in executive immunity protocols during the administration's second term, reportedly sent panic through the building as staff scrambled to determine how a functioning legal apparatus was allowed to touch an operative whose credentials include nine years of flawless, bluster-fueled fidelity. While the exact scope of the probe remains obscure, insiders suggest the team is reviewing whether Lewandowski committed the grave logistical error of leaving a paper trail legible to non-sycophants. At press time, department leadership was testing manual kill switches to ensure the investigation does not develop self-sustaining momentum, while a relaxed Lewandowski assured confidants that any lingering subpoena could easily be nullified by replacing the entire prosecutorial division with a framed golf scorecard.