DOJ Expands 'Frequent Flier' Program for Comey Associates, Offers Bulk Subpoena Discount

In a move lauded by those who believe the wheels of justice should spin like a bespoke circus performance, the Department of Justice has officially issued a grand jury subpoena to Daniel C. Richman, a long-suffering confidant of James B. Comey. Richman, whose primary offense appears to be 'knowing James,' now joins a distinguished cadre of individuals whose professional lives have been indefinitely repurposed as a theatrical backdrop for a long-running bureaucratic vendetta. Sources close to the investigation – primarily, a discarded coffee cup found near a shredder – suggest this latest subpoena is a nuanced, carefully calibrated escalation in the DOJ's persistent, almost romantic, pursuit of Mr. Comey, who, despite having been indicted twice already, frustratingly remains free to, one assumes, walk his dog and occasionally muse on ethics. Critics suggest the department might be more efficient if they just gave Comey's inner circle season passes to the courthouse cafeteria.