Congressman Kean 'Resurfaces' (Finally), Proving He Is Not a Cryptid

After a conspicuous absence that had Twitter speculating he'd either been spirited away by sentient artisanal sourdough or was simply testing the limits of congressional work-from-home policy, Representative Tom Kean (R-NJ) has, indeed, been found. Sources confirm the elusive legislator was, astonishingly, at his New Jersey home, reportedly answering the door in a full suit and tie – a sartorial choice that suggests either a deep commitment to maintaining appearances for the FedEx delivery driver or a terrifying lack of comfortable loungewear. The revelation has sent shockwaves through the small but dedicated community of 'Where's Tom' amateur detectives, many of whom had already filed missing person reports with their respective hamsters. While some critics are calling it dereliction of duty, others are touting Kean's 'stealth legislation' approach, wherein bills miraculously vote themselves into existence by sheer legislative inertia, requiring no actual human presence. One aide, speaking on condition of anonymity, clarified, "He's always there in spirit. Or, you know, teleconferencing. Probably." The incident raises crucial questions about whether elected officials are, in fact, required to be physically present to collect their taxpayer-funded salaries, or if a well-placed cardboard cutout could suffice.