Congress Unveils 'Housing Hope' Package: A 30-Year Plan for the Currently Homeless

In a move lauded by literally nobody who understands immediate human needs, Congress has finally passed its groundbreaking 'Housing Hope' bill, a legislative marvel designed to address the nation's housing crisis sometime around the heat death of the universe. Experts agree this 'first housing package in decades' is indeed a package, though its contents appear to be a single, intricately folded blueprint that unfolds into 47 smaller blueprints, each depicting a slightly different shade of beige. Officials assure the public that the benefits will trickle down, eventually. Initial projections suggest that if current inflation trends hold, the median American family might be able to afford a down payment on a moderately sized garden shed by 2073, provided they also win a minor lottery. Critics, primarily those living in tents, praised the bill for its 'audacious commitment to future generations' problem-solving,' while simultaneously requesting a functioning porta-potty.