Congress Declares National Debt 'Too Big to Count,' Citing Math Fatigue

Washington, D.C. — In a move widely celebrated by actuaries needing a well-deserved nap, the U.S. Congress has reportedly deemed the national debt, now hovering somewhere in the vicinity of 'infinity-ish' dollars, to be 'computationally impractical.' Sources close to the House Appropriations Committee, who wished to remain anonymous for fear of being handed an abacus, revealed that the bipartisan consensus was reached after a junior aide, tasked with updating the national debt tracker, spontaneously combusted from decimal point overload. "Look, at a certain point, it's just numbers on a screen, right?" shrugged Senator Mitch 'The Tortoise' McConnell, adjusting his metaphorical shell. "Are we really going to let a little thing like 'the complete fiscal solvency of the nation' get in the way of funding essential constituent services, like, say, a new bronze statue of myself holding a smaller bronze statue of myself? Priorities, people." Experts suggest the new strategy involves renaming the national debt to 'National Investment Fund' and hoping no one notices the minus sign.