Congress Concludes Historic 'Do-Nothing' Session With Unanimous Agreement: 'Let Them Eat Megawatts'

Washington D.C. — In a stunning display of bipartisan inefficiency, Congress has gracefully sidestepped any semblance of productive action on artificial intelligence, choosing instead to prioritize its customary autumnal recess. Lawmakers, fresh off a grueling schedule of committee hearings dedicated to deciding which branded pens to order for the next fiscal year, have opted to leave consumers squarely in the crosshairs of soaring energy bills. Senate Democrats, in a move hailed by some as 'courageous inaction' and by others as 'Tuesday,' reportedly scuttled a measure designed to merely *suggest* states protect citizens from the impending energy apocalypse fueled by insatiable data centers. Sources close to the legislative process, who wished to remain anonymous to protect their careers at the Congressional Gift Shop, confirmed that the proposed legislation was considered 'dangerously proactive' and might set a precedent for 'actually governing.' One aide, polishing a 'Make America Grate Again' cheese slicer, confided, 'Why mandate solutions when you can just… not? It’s a very American approach.' Industry analysts now predict a bright future for energy companies, who will continue to profit handsomely as algorithms learn to perfectly sort pictures of cats, all while your smart toaster consumes enough power to light a small village. The American public, of course, will pay the bill, metaphorically and literally, for humanity's march towards ever-more-efficient digital cat content.