Comedy's Moral Compass, Bill Maher, Finally Awarded Trophy for Pointing

In a move lauded by literally dozens of pundits, Bill Maher, renowned for his uncanny ability to discern shortcomings in anyone who isn't Bill Maher, is slated to receive the prestigious Mark Twain Prize. Apparently, decades of frequently articulating what many in his audience already suspected – that politicians, specifically one particular orange-hued variety, sometimes act like a bit of a pill – has finally paid dividends. The Kennedy Center, itself fresh off a rather awkward rebranding post-presidential-patronage unpleasantness, is reportedly thrilled to host a ceremony celebrating such incisive, albeit occasionally predictable, social commentary. Sources close to the proceedings hint at a surprise monologue from Maher, wherein he'll courageously declare that 'both sides' are equally frustrating, a revelation expected to garner approximately zero gasps. Insiders whisper that the award criteria now heavily favors individuals who can maintain a scowl for extended periods while articulating broadly held opinions with the gravitas of a man discovering his cat has used the priceless Ming vase as a litterbox.