Campaigns Unveil Groundbreaking 'Random Noise Generator' to Connect with the Discerning Electorate

A recent poll, conducted by an algorithm we're legally obligated to describe as 'proprietary' but which we suspect is just a very bored intern playing Mad Libs, indicates a staggering 98.7% of voters believe artificial intelligence in political campaigns is 'terrible' or 'a harbinger of the end times, probably.' Undeterred, campaigns across the nation are reportedly diving headlong into the digital abyss, convinced that nothing screams 'relatable' like a meticulously crafted, algorithmically optimized, entirely soulless message designed to milk your specific demographic for votes. Analysts suggest this is a shrewd move, as voters who feel utterly unheard by actual humans will surely appreciate being pandered to by a sophisticated word-processor. While the public recoils at the unsettlingly symmetrical, hyper-realistic faces of candidates generated by these computational muses, behind the scenes, entire campaigns are being outsourced to machines crunching data points like electoral fentanyl. Sources close to one campaign reveal their new AI speechwriter once suggested replacing all policy proposals with a single, looping GIF of a cat playing a piano, citing 'unparalled engagement metrics.' The future of democracy, it seems, hinges on whether a bot can convincingly feign empathy.