BREAKING: White House Now Legally Required to Endure Slightly More Annoyance

In a stunning display of judicial overreach, a federal court has daringly dictated that the Executive Mansion must, against its clearly stated wishes, tolerate the physical proximity of certain news purveyors. Judge Timothy J. Kelly, apparently unfamiliar with the ancient art of the 'time out,' issued a temporary restraining order, forcing the White House to reinstate the press credentials of employees from CNN, MSNBC, and Politico. Sources close to the administration, who wished to remain anonymous to avoid being declared 'enemies of the truth' and subsequently blocked from the White House Twitter feed, confirmed that the ruling has caused a significant uptick in eye-rolling and the frantic search for more soundproof walls. The White House, which had previously exercised its inalienable right to unilaterally decide who gets to stand near the snack table, expressed profound disappointment. 'This sets a dangerous precedent,' a nameless staffer mumbled, polishing a framed 'Participation Trophy' awarded for 'Most Effort in Dismissing Reality.' 'Next, they'll be telling us we can't decide who gets the last donut. Where does it end?' Observers note that while the court's decision ensures a modicum of journalistic access, it largely guarantees that the designated reporters will now enjoy the distinct privilege of being actively ignored from a slightly closer vantage point.