BREAKING: Musk's Inner Sanctum: Just How Much Do You Need to Friend Elon?

Washington D.C. – In a stunning testament to the enduring power of 'networking,' sources close to the orbital-industrial complex confirm that Antonio Gracias, a man whose primary qualification appears to be 'knowing Elon Musk,' stands poised to enter the quadrillionaire club upon SpaceX's presumed IPO. Analysts are now frantically re-evaluating the fundamental tenets of capitalism, concluding that perhaps proximity to a man who once suggested nuking Mars is, in fact, a more reliable investment strategy than, say, a diversified portfolio or a sound business model. Experts theorize that Gracias likely acquired his $65 billion stake by offering Musk the kind of unwavering affirmation and occasional eyebrow-raise that only a true confidant can provide when one is proposing, for example, a high-speed tunnel system for the rich that inevitably floods. This revelation has sent ripples through the 'friendship economy,' with aspiring magnates now reportedly offering Musk increasingly lavish gifts – from artisanal kombucha subscriptions to the promise of never challenging his pet theories on optimal Twitter algorithms – in a desperate bid to be included in the next pre-IPO 'buddy-list' bonanza. The world, it seems, is divided into those who build rockets and those who simply 'hang out' around people who build rockets, with the latter group often amassing far more wealth.