BREAKING: House Democrat Discovers Existence of Human Beings on Opposite Side of Aisle, Endorses One

In a truly bewildering display of bipartisanship, Representative Jared Golden (D-ME) has apparently suffered a temporary lapse in judgment, endorsing Republican Rep. Mike Lawler for re-election in New York. Sources close to the situation, primarily deeply confused squirrels outside Golden's office, report that the Maine Democrat was overheard muttering about 'common ground' and 'working together,' phrases previously believed to be extinct in the Congressional lexicon. Lawler, whose campaign initially mistook Golden’s endorsement for a deeply sarcastic death threat, has now reportedly begun checking his office for hidden cameras, convinced this is merely an elaborate, long-form prank designed by either late-night hosts or the deep state. Pundits, meanwhile, are scrambling to recalibrate their 'us vs. them' flowcharts, with many simply drawing question marks over their entire electoral prediction models. The move has sent shockwaves through the political establishment, primarily because it implies that members of opposing parties might actually, on occasion, *talk* to each other without first consulting an entire department of strategists on how best to deploy maximal disdain. Expect immediate Congressional hearings into Golden's mental fitness or, more likely, a sternly worded memo about the importance of maintaining proper ideological distance.