BREAKING: Former President Declares U.S. Geography 'Highly Inconvenient,' Demands Rebranding

In a move that stunned precisely zero geographers, cartographers, or anyone with a working internet connection, former President Donald J. Trump took to his social media platform to unveil a truly visionary, hand-drawn map. Sources close to the former Commander-in-Chief confirm that the roughly-scribbled alteration of New Mexico to 'New America' was not, as some initially speculated, a mere slip of the Sharpie, but rather a profound philosophical statement on the nation’s suboptimal nomenclature. 'Frankly, 'New Mexico' is just lazy,' a spokesperson who requested anonymity to avoid public ridicule stated, adding, 'It’s like naming your dog 'Canine.' Where's the brand recognition? The 'America' brand, on the other hand, is — and I can't stress this enough — tremendous.' Critics of the proposed territorial rebrand were immediately dismissed as 'haters' and 'people who like old, boring names,' proving once again that in the current political climate, one can effectively gaslight an entire state into an identity crisis with a single, poorly rendered PNG.