BREAKING: Beijing Accuses U.S. of Stealing 'Authentic' American Stolen AI, Demands Royalties

Washington D.C. sources, or rather, the lingering aroma of desperation emanating from the Oval Office, suggest that President Trump is poised to confront visiting Chinese leader Xi Jinping over allegations that China has been 'distilling' American artificial intelligence. This sophisticated process, previously believed to involve ancient mystical arts, has now been demystified as merely 'copying with intent.' White House aides, who communicated primarily through a series of increasingly frantic hand gestures and whispered oaths, confirmed that the primary concern is not the loss of intellectual property, but rather the alarming lack of proper attribution. "It's just common courtesy," explained a nameless staffer, polishing a ceremonial golf club. "When you take someone's brilliant innovation, like, say, the self-driving car that insists on taking you to a casino in Nevada, you at least send a thank you note, or perhaps a modest gift basket of industrial espionage tools. Anything less is just barbaric." Experts are now debating whether 'distillation' implies a purer, more potent form of AI, potentially rendering the original American versions obsolete. The Pentagon has reportedly begun developing a new, top-secret program to 're-distill' the Chinese distillations, ensuring a perpetual cycle of mildly improving, slightly off-brand technology.