Border Reopens to Cattle; U.S. Demands Bovine Loyalty Oath Against 'Flesh-Eating' Communism

In a move hailed by ranchers and aspiring steak enthusiasts alike, the U.S.-Mexico border has tentatively reopened to cattle imports, marking a triumphant, albeit temporary, armistice in humanity's ongoing, often baffling, war against nature. This follows a brief, yet deeply unsettling, period during which legions of screwworms, apparently dissatisfied with the traditional insect diet of 'leaf' or 'another insect,' decided to branch out into 'living, breathing mammal flesh.' The crisis, which saw the region teetering on the brink of a 'too-much-bone, not-enough-cow-meat' economic collapse, has prompted calls for increased vigilance and perhaps a new reality TV show titled 'Insecticide Idol.' Meanwhile, officials are scrambling to reassure the public that this isn't, in fact, a preview of the inevitable zombie apocalypse, but merely a highly efficient, multi-legged protein consumer doing what nature, in its most brutal and inconvenient wisdom, intended. Experts caution that the battle against these microscopic gourmands is far from over, deep in the verdant, fly-infested heart of Mexico, where the true 'cost of beef' might soon include therapy for cows.