Border Patrol Considers Teen Gun Runners for Elite College Admissions Program

America’s youth, perpetually maligned for their screen-addled ennui, are finally demonstrating the entrepreneurial spirit our gilded age so desperately extols. A burgeoning cottage industry among Arizona's high school demographic sees enterprising young citizens leveraging their innate tech-savviness to bypass restrictive firearm purchasing laws, thereby facilitating the flow of premium American firepower directly into the eager hands of Mexican cartels. This innovative economic model, described by one anonymous guidance counselor as 'a uniquely American blend of patriotism and predatory capitalism,' offers lucrative financial incentives and, more importantly, street cred that TikTok trends simply cannot replicate. Experts are now debating whether these ambitious adolescents, often operating under the radar of state and federal agencies, should be lauded for their disruptive market strategies or, perhaps, offered internships in international relations given their advanced understanding of cross-border supply chains. Truly, a shining example of 'learn by doing.'