Bezos Unveils Latest Philanthropic Endeavor: Replacing Human 'Makers' With 'Better Makers'

In a move that’s been lauded by absolutely no one outside his immediate, highly compensated circle, Amazon founder Jeff Bezos has announced his latest venture, Prometheus: a startup dedicated to creating an 'Artificial General Engineer.' Apparently, the current crop of squishy, lunch-break-needing, union-curious engineers simply haven't been 'general' enough for Bezos's sprawling, multi-billion-dollar aspirations. One can only assume the 'improvements' to device manufacturing will involve even fewer restroom breaks for the actual assembly line, now overseen by a benevolent, unblinking AI. Critics, who will doubtless soon be automated out of existence, fear this could herald an era where even the act of designing a better mousetrap is outsourced to a tireless algorithm that, unlike its human counterparts, will never try to form a co-op or ask for a dental plan. Bezos stated, via a heavily filtered hologram, that this will 'democratize innovation,' which we all know is corporate speak for 'more profits for me, less empathy for thee.'