Apple's Bold New Vision: Pay More for Less, Now with 100% More A.I. Marketing Hype!

In a move that surprised precisely no one who has ever owned an Apple product, the Cupertino behemoth has announced a revolutionary new pricing strategy: if the market is hot, your wallet is not. Citing the 'soaring costs' of memory and storage chips – those tiny, intricate components that somehow always manage to become more expensive precisely when Apple needs an excuse to hike prices – the tech titan is generously allowing consumers to experience its 'innovation' at an additional $200 per device. Industry insiders suggest this is merely foresight, preparing customers for the inevitable future when ‘A.I.’ will become a compulsory monthly subscription, sold exclusively via an app that subtly drains your checking account and reminds you to 'think different' as it does so. Analysts are already predicting that next year’s announcement will feature an iPad Pro capable of actual levitation, priced roughly equivalent to a small, landlocked European nation, due to unforeseen fluctuations in 'unobtanium' and 'ethereal glow' market rates. Consumers, meanwhile, are reportedly practicing their 'surprised Pikachu face' in anticipation of pre-ordering.