Anthropic CEO Discovers Alarm Button After Fully Assembling Doomsday Device

In a move that surprised absolutely no one currently building an autonomous, thought-stealing toaster oven, Anthropic CEO Dario Amodei has magnanimously declared that perhaps, just perhaps, the breakneck pace of artificial intelligence development could use a leisurely stroll instead of a full-throttle sprint into the singularity. His recent essay, reportedly penned by a highly advanced Anthropic-trained model that also writes personalized apology letters for tech moguls, warns of the rapidly escalating capabilities of A.I., emphasizing the urgent need for 'safety controls' across the industry. This prescient observation arrives just as Anthropic unveils its latest model, which can not only summarize the entire internet in under a nanosecond but also accurately predict which artisanal toast will spontaneously combust next. Experts noted the striking parallel to a chef advocating for stricter health codes only *after* serving an entire banquet of raw chicken. "One must simply ask if anyone bothered to check for the 'off' switch before they powered up the omniscient algorithm that now dictates our lunch orders," mused one anonymous ethicist, clutching a tinfoil hat.